9 Things to do when feeling disconnected and lost

Feeling lost and disconnected is one of the most paralyzing and frustrating feelings in the world. It’s also one of the most normal feelings. Especially because we’re constantly bombarded with the pressure from society to always be more, as if who we are in this very moment isn’t enough.

Maybe you feel like you lack purpose, meaning, fulfillment or direction. I know I do, often. And being in big cities like Los Angeles or New York can be hard when you feel like that, because it seems like taking a breath and stopping to think will make you fall behind. Everyone is moving at 1000 mph and making their dreams come true, while you could barely get out of bed today.

Having an off-day every now and then is normal and happens to the best of us, but getting into a spiral of feeling overwhelmed and isolated for a longer period of time affects your confidence, self worth and can have really fatal consequences for your life if you don’t take it seriously.

Here’s what I do when I feel detached and sad for a longer period of time.

1. Write to-do-lists with even the smallest tasks in your notes app.

Writing down what seems like simple tasks, helps feeling a sense of accompliments and gives structure. Make sure to not overwhelm yourself.

X- Get out of bed

X Put on comfy clothes

X Drink water

X Skin care

X Make a coffee

X Make my bed

X Go for a walk

X Listen to a podcast that boosts your mood

X Make breakfast

X Easy tasks like: respond to e-mail, respond to DM’s, respond to comments on posts, answer texts.

X Apply on LA-casting

X Specific work-related tasks or things you have to get done that day. Be realistic and don’t put anything else than what’s necessary on your list.

2. Make it a point to talk to someone every day.

Especially in big cities like LA and New York and especially if you’re a freelancer, you could basically stay in your apartment for a day or even a week without anyone really noticing. Why? Because there’s no office to go into and literally everyone is so busy all the time. This causes a lot of people to feel very lonely and isolated.

There are a million reasons to why human connection is fatal to our mental- and physical health. And no, communicating on social media doesn’t count.

Ask a friend to go for a walk, go take a work out class and make it a point to stay and talk to people after – some days where you can’t get yourself out there, even calling a friend on FaceTime can work too.

Even if it’s just one person and even if you’re not feeling like it, talk to someone. Some days you’re not in the mood to talk about your struggles, and that’s okay too. Then talk about the weather, pop culture or literally anything, but pay attention to how you feel 0.01% better by getting out of your own head.

When we feel anxious and stay too long in our heads without talking to someone we can start catastrophizing, and that we want to avoid.

3. Morning walks

It can feel overwhelming, I get it. But getting exercise and sunshine early in the morning, is such a mood booster. Take your favorite happy playlist or a fun podcast (NO MOODY OR SAD MUSIC MY FRIEND) and a water or coffee.

It boosts the mood to get exercise instead of screentime first thing in the morning.

4. Say yes to (almost) everything

I’ve felt incredibly isolated lately and have made it a point to say yes to anything that any of my friends or people I meet suggests, to get out of my own head. Minus dating, since that one is draining for my mental health at this very moment. That has caused me to hike, go salsa dancing with strangers at night, take dance classes I usually wouldn’t take, take surf lessons and go to the beach with my friend and her friends who I didn’t know.

I try to look at what would be good for me and not always listen to what I instinctly want to do, which is isolate.

I cannot stress enough how important it is to be around good people.

5. Exercise

One of my favorite books about stress taught me to differentiate between stress and stressors.

Stressors are the external things that causes the stress in your body like your work, relationships, money, career etc.

Stress refers to the chemicals in your body that makes you feel uncomfortable.

You can deal with the stressors as much as you want but if you don’t deal with the stress itself, your body won’t feel better. The only way to do so is by using your body and breathing deeply.

Recently I signed up for class pass that allows me to take classes at so many different work out studios. Some days I go boxing, other days I run at Barry’s, take yoga classes, pilates classes etc. Find workouts that you like instead of doing workouts you feel like you “should” do, to make sure you show up and feel good.

6. Get enough sleep

Literally, the world looks so different when you haven’t slept. This one should be #1 priority.

7. Write or voice memo

When my friends tell me to journal, I get a little sceptical because what should I write about??

There are so many journaling prompts online – Google is your friend!

If you’re not the biggest writer, go for a walk and go to the voice memo app on your phone and talk to yourself. Everything you can think of from how you’re feeling to what you want to be doing etc. etc. can be so helpful. I do that quite a lot and it feels nice to say it out loud.

Sometimes it helps to listen back to it, but other times it’s just the act of saying hard things that can give that needed sense of relief.

8. Create more than you consume

Post more than you scroll, write more than you read, sing more than you listen to songs, create more than you consume.

That will help you becoma less focused on what everyone else is doing and compare yourself less. It boosts our mood to use our hands, get practical and get out of our heads and being creative is so incredibly healthy.

Don’t focus on creating the next viral video, the next best selling book – focus on enjoying the process.

7. Some days are for crying other days are for tricking your brain

Both are okay, but let me explain. It’s okay to have a day of staying inside, watching the Notebook, cry, scroll, eat cookies and listen to Adele all day. We need to feel our feelings. But some days are for tricking the brain. For getting up, putting on a happy playlist – even if you don’t feel happy – make that healthy smoothie, run, be around people and don’t be alone, to “trick the brain” and get out of the fog.

8. Lists – You have more control than you think.

Okay, you gotta grab a paper and pen.

Start by writing everything down that you’re proud of yourself for this year. Anything from accomplishments to career related things, but most importantly for qualities about yourself that you like.

Being a good friend, being brave, setting boundaries, staying positive in a hard situation, figuring out how to solve certain issues or how you’ve taken more time for youself. Get really specific and include specific situations.

Then we look at the future. What do you enjoy doing, what are you afraid of, what kind of person do you want to be and why?

Now that we got some of the feels out, we get into list mode.

What are some super easy things you can do today and within the next week that will get you closer to where you need to be and improve your current situation?

To give a few ideas these bullets can be related to your physical health, mental health, career, it can be about your home (I need to decorate with cute plants or I need more light to feel better), it can be reaching out to certain people on e-mail or IG in regards to career, or researching [insert topic] on Google. It could also be in relation to friendships, family and dating.

I know you can think of at least 10 things. Pick one thing that you want to do tomorrow or this week, and get inspired and remotivated by being proactive.

9. Acceptance

Accept that it’s okay to feel lost and embrace how it can help you learn. It’s normal that our interests, boundaries, likes- and dislikes changes as we grow and you will not feel like this forever, I promise.

Everything in life is temporary. We gotta just feel the feeling and letting it be while trying to find little enjoyable things in our everyday life. If we start overanalyzing and freaking out about why we can’t get to the root of the problem, we tend to spiral and make it worse.

Instead of obsessing over our flaws, we should instead celebrate and focus on our strenghts and gradually move forward in that way. It’s hard to be both kind to ourselves and real with ourselves, but the balance is important. We need to give ourselves days off, time to cry and grace to do nothing and sit with our feelings.

But you know what your own bad habits are and what you do at the moment that doesn’t contribute to you feeling better (scrolling on social media, not eating, not moving, hanging out with people who makes you feel like sht etc.) and we need to change at least some of those to feel better.

You’re gonna come out of this moment somehow at some point. Just make sure to take little baby steps every day.

xx

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