career& relationships: if they’re not happy for you, read this

If you have big dreams and big goals, you’ve probably realized by now that the mountain you’re trying to climb is a little steeper and way more ghetto, than you initally thought.

You know the drill: sleepless nights, financial stress, doubting yourself, believing in a path you can’t quite see yet, moving away from family, potentially living in a different country – it’s easy for buzzwords like “burn out”, “stress”, “adrenaline”, and “over-working” to show up more and more often in your vocabulary.

We’re truly at our strongest when we’re calm. So in order to climb that ghetto-mountain, we need to find an immense amount of strength and calmness within us, in order to show up day after day after day. For me, the strength has come more naturally for me, than the calmness.

Everything affects everything

A segway to a regulated and calm nervoussystem is a solid support system. Talking about how you feel with people who truly loves and values you, laughing, hugging, and feeling seen and understood, is not only career-changing, but life-changing.

Why? Because it’s all connected. Your relationships, your work, your physical health, your finances and your mental health. You can’t isolate each area from the others, which is why it’s so important to take care of all of them and water them a little every day. If your nervoussystem is out of control, you bring that energy into every room, every conversation and every decision you make.

 

Examples

• I’m really stressed at work but super zen and happy at home (no)
• My physical health is suffering, but I’m just gonna show up 100% at work (not sustainable)
• I’m going through a divorce and my life is in shambles, but yeah, let’s go to this networking event and have fun (good luck)
• I haven’t slept all week, but I’ll show up fully present and bubbly in all rooms I walk into. (absolutely not)

If you’re worried about some guy who’s not texting you back, it’ll take focus away from the important work you’re doing, or from having meaningful conversations with a person who actually cares about you.

Stress in one area will f*ck with your peace in other areas. And if you thrive in an area it will also carry over into the other areas.

 

“Easy! I’ll just isolate, not date, live in celebacy and not spend time with anyone again”

No, please. I’ve tried, and that’s not healthy either.

 

We need people. But quality-people.

No matter how developed our society is, no matter how many new Iphones or Spaceship/Yeezy-looking cars we’ve invented, we can’t escape our biology. People need people. Humans thrive and survive in tribes. A Pinterest quote I loved this week is: “You will never self-love your way out of your human need for community, romance and friendship.”

So let’s talk about it.

 

Me: “I booked a tour!”
Him: “Oh, ok”

Of course I wanted to tell the guy I was dating that I booked a tour since it was a major step in my career. His response was: “Oh, ok”. A few months prior he came to me and told me about a big accomplishment in his career, and of course I freaked out of pure excitement and asked a million questions. He was so happy to share, but looked confused: “Wow, i’m not used to people cheering for me and being happy for me like that, thank you”.

I always cheered for him, but when it was my turn to win, his pom-poms were nowhere to be found. So I started questioning whether I should tell him these things and ended up never sharing anything. A lot of women do this. We don’t want to be intimidating or make a man feel threatened by us, so we dim our light and adjust: “It’s just easier.” If he specifically asked me about my schedule, I would tell him, which caused a weird look on his face.

I asked: “Is it triggering to you?”. He nodded.

 

Know your values, know your worth

If you have a feeling that who you’re around doesn’t support, appreciate, or celebrates you, or want you to win, they gotta go. Friends, family or romantic relationships, I’m sorry, Stage left and goodbye. And I’m not talking about wanting people to pedestal you, roll out a red carpet or going full-force on the PopCulture “Queen behavior”. I’m just talking about mutual, mature respect and for a partner or a friend to want to see you do good and be happy.

If you have to sacrifice the peace within you to create peace aorund you, that speaks volumes.

There are only so many career highlights in our lives, and you and I both know how incredibly hard we work for them.

Becoming clear on your standards, values and boundaries is probably one of the most important things you can ever do. Trust, that by letting people go and learning the lesson attached to their departure, you’ll make space and allow relationships into your life that will lift you up and help you thrive tenfold.

 

xxx

Mathilde

IG @mathilde.veje
TikTok @matilda.veje
E-mail vejemathilde@gmail.com