You already know “Netflix and Chill”. You know what “ghosting” is. But have you ever heard of “orbiting”? No? WELL – let’s add it to your dating lexicon. Buckle up, Elon Musk, it’s going down today.
Most of you are into astrology, so you probably get a nice little tickling feeling when your hear the word “orbiting”. We LOVE to blame the stars, moons and satellites for our cheating tendencies. I know.
Unfortunately, “orbiting” has nothing to do with astrology, but it can definitely explain a 2020-dating pattern.
What is orbiting?
Let’s set the scene, people. Even though you’re a 10/10, the funniest person you know and you drank a whole glass of water today, you’ve still experienced being dumped, ghosted, cheated on, or simply just not asked to go on a second date by someone.
But sometimes these people don’t disappear completely out of your life. They orbit. An orbiter is someone who cycles in and out of your life, for either emotional or physical attention.
He disappears, pops back in, gets the attention, and returns into the dark intergalactic dating-space for X amount of time. But he always returns. Like a mf Jedi.
There are no natural laws that explains when he will return, but I’m sure Einstein would agree that it depends on the man. Some can consistently return every 5th week, or every other Friday at 1 A.M. Someone returns when you post a hot selfie or when your humble-brag about your new boyfriend on your Snap Chat-story.
An orbiter is close enough for you to see him, but far enough for him not to commit to you. He stays in motion and remains out of reach.
Why orbiters orbit
There are so many reasons! It could be an ego-boost. It’s definitely a way to get attention. It could be a rude powermove. Or a selfish way to keep the options open. He is 100% orbiting around several women at once and has one foot in and one foot out the door, you know, just in case.
Some people orbit because they just L-O-V-E the drama. It’s equivalent to walking down the isles of the local Ralph’s and throw everything on the floor. Just to keep life entertaining. Or maybe he is orbiting, because you’re annoying and clingy, and he just can’t stand you for a longer period of time. Therefore he needs 1 months of alone-time after spending a day with you. Idk, you tell me!
No, it’s NOT a sign
“Omg, he keeps orbiting around me, it MUST be a sign from the universe that I should text him back!”
Here’s a tip: Don’t do it.
Instead of hyperventilating of joy because he always returns, and instead of telling your friends that it’s a sign you’re meant to be… don’t you think it’s a bigger sign that he never stays?
Men are more simple than women when it comes to dating. If they want you, they will pursue you. We talked about that right here.
What to do if someone is orbiting around you
If it doesn’t bother you and the person doesn’t trigger negative emotions, it can kinda be entertaining. You can even start betting 5 bucks with your friends. Will he text you after you post this selfie? I don’t support ludomania guys, but it can definitely be a way to make some quick cash and a get a good laugh from the situation.
But if it affects you negatively, just cut him off. Blocking someone from seeing your stories on social media and muting them so you don’t see their stuff too, is easy-peasy and harmless. Noone will find out. I do that all the time. Or even just delete or block him. Protect your mental health.
If you’re more vocal, you can tell him: “Get tf out of my orbit” (or maybe say it in a nicer way if you’re that girl).
X, Y and IDGAF-chromosomes
As you know, women have two X-chromosomes in their cells. Men have one X- and one Y-chromosome, but what you probably didn’t know is that men ALSO have the hidden IDGAF-chromosome. I swear it’s true. Don’t look it up.
The IDGAF-chromosomes give men the a-u-d-a-c-i-t-y to go back to 2012 on you social media and like a picture of you and your grandma from a family vacation in Dubai, to announce that they’re orbiting back to you. They’ve zero shame in getting your attention by showing you that they went aaaaaall the way down the rabbithole.
I swear, when a woman accidentally likes an old picture, we – and by “we” I mean “I” – literally deactive my IG account, turn off my phone, set it on fire, put it in a pot with boiling hot water and hope that the embarrassment will evaporate with the water in the pot, sweat on my body and tears from my face.
According to Darwin and Newton (Isaac Newton, not Olivia Newton John from Grease), women act like that because they don’t have the IDGAF-chromosome.
Nature gave us periods instead. Great. Guess we’re all winners here.
Men and women orbit WAY different. But let’s talk about that another day.
How are you feeling?
Don’t you just feel WAY more prepared to get back into the dating game after reading this? No? Yea, me neither.