“ The ick ” is one of the most common phenomenon’s in relationships. And it’s the absolute worst. You just started talking to someone. Maybe you’ve been on a few dates and everything seems like it’s going great! But then suddenly they say or do something that makes you catch “The Ick”. And once you catch “The Ick” – it’s game over for you guys.
It could be something they say, something they do, a belief system – or maybe you don’t even know the reason behind it – suddenly you just can’t look at the person in the same way again. Progressively you get more and more turned off by them to a point where you can even feel constantly annoyed. They simply just lose their romantic potential. You don’t want the person to touch you, hug you or hold your hand – even jokes that were funny before, just aren’t anymore. It’s a physical very strong reaction to the other person, and it’s sooooo weird.
However – “The ick” is an instinct that usually never lies. It’s different from just doubting if you want to be with somebody.
You literally wanna throw yourself dramatically on the ground with your arms over the head and yell: “Why, God, WHY” with you palms facing the sky, kinda like they do in the movies, and then wait for Morgan Freeman to magically appear and give you some sort of “The Ick” vaccine. But nope.
You start lying to yourself
Sometimes you try to ignore the cringing feeling and keep pushing yourself into seeing someone because “they would be so good for me” or “he’s such a good guy”. You can try to rationalize your feelings as much as you want – but you can’t escape “The Ick”. You can run, but you can never hide.
Oh hey – Maybe you would like more (kinda) unhealthy but very real dating advice? Yea? Go read:
2. When He’s Too Busy (or just an A-hole)
3. Types Of Men You Meet On Dating App’s (I had too much fun writing that one)
My personal Ick-triggers
Personally I usually catch the ick, if a guy I’m talking to says anything that’s so completely opposite of my belief system. It doesn’t affect me too much if someone is chewing loudly, swears a lot or any of that. It’s more if he says anything racist of homophobic – even though it’s clearly meant “as a joke”. It’s just not funny to me. Saying something rude about immigrants, other cultures, countries they’ve never been to or something male chauvinistic is a complete turn-off as well for me personally, and will definitely give me “The Ick”. Or when a guy is repetitively rude to the server at a restaurant.
Involuntarily, everything just changes. He’s not that attractive anymore. “The Ick” is this very deep feeling that this is just not somebody you want to be with. But should we trust the gut instinct or is “The Ick” just some temporary panick attack that we should push past?
Does The Ick Mean Game Over?
It definetely depends on what “The Ick” is caused by. Is it something like chewing with your mouth open it can easily be fixed or talked about at least. But if it’s something that they can’t change and that you can’t deal with, then there’s no other way than throwing a peace sign and walk out of the door. If it occurs after years of being in a relationship it’s definitely different and I think anyone should try to compromise and find a way to deal with it… But if it’s in the very beginning there’s no reason to try – or am I wrong?
Is it judgemental?
I mean if you ask my exes they can probably join the forces and write a novel about what’s wrong with me, and I get the whole “we need to be overbearing, find a way to be tolerant and no one is perfect”, cause yea – we’re all just human. But we really undervalue the unconscious communication that is going on.
We’re not supposed to be attracted to and be compatible with e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e we meet out there (imagine!?), so “The Ick” is normal! You can’t fake attraction to other people. If you don’t feel it, you don’t feel it. That’s enough reason. And by the end of the day “The Ick” is your intuition that’s trying to help you out, girl!