The Types Of Guys You Meet On Dating Apps – Through what would qualify as career of swiping left and right, I slowly started to notice a pattern in men’s dating profiles. I don’t actually go on a lot of dates myself (or do I?), but I sure as hell swipe a lot when I’m bored.. of scientific reasons of course, aka. to write this very important blog post.
Here’s the deal: Even though you swipe through thousands of single- and not so single men who live in such a diverse and multicultural city like Los Angeles, you actually only swipe through 12 different types. 12?! Yes, 12. I’ve written them down for you here.
(Pssssst… hey man, before you yell at me for putting men in boxes and being mean, this is written as a joke, okay. To all you men out there, don’t worry I know you’re all unique and a true catch no matter what type you identify or not identify yourself as. I’m just kidding… but someone also once told me that there is a little truth behind every “just kidding”)
Here we go!
The Types Of Guys You Meet On Dating Apps – The foreigner
The foreign guy doesn’t have to put too much effort into these dating App’s. Cause duh – he’s foreign. He’ll seduce you with his innocent American-culture-virginity, tell you that he is excited to see the stars at Hollywood Boulevard and that he moved to America because the girls here are prettier. He is “looking for love”. He really hopes that you’re okay with a hot sexual accent and he’ll unsolicited tell you about that-time-he-went-to-India-to-meditate-to-become-a-better-man.
You’ll suddenly feel a motherlike urge to take care of his pure soul and get very attracted to this mysterious catch of an alien from outer space aka. Europe. You’re now in his little foreign spiderweb.
He’ll most likely throw a “let’s travel the world together, I’ll show you France” with at least 14 slightly embarrassing grammar mistakes and a whole lot of winky emoji’s, but you still find yourself sitting there like a very inappropriate and wet version of Dora The Explorer. Omg, it will be so cute when you move into the Eiffel Tower with him and your perfectly mixed American-French kid Ludvig-Filip-Jaque Kardashian.
Most of these foreign men on dating apps have been in Los Angeles for a long time, but it works for them to pretend that they’re fresh of the boat and don’t know what McDonalds or Super Bowl is. He’ll definitely let you know that the fact that you just took him out for pancakes at Denny’s and made him hike Runyon Canyon with a Matcha Latte (WITH OATMILK) really just opened his foreign eyes to the world.
The intellectual sweetheart
He knows everything about computers and absolutely nothing about women. You honestly just wanna wrap him up in a blanket like E.T. All pictures on his dating profile are car-selfies, all from the same angle, all taken the same day with an Android phone from 2002 (because F iPhones!). This man went to Harvard for something you don’t know what is, he’s an atheist, loves his mom and doesn’t have any social media (because F the government). He hates influencers (and you descretely turn you IG into “private” mode), and he is looking for a smart girl who believes in the same conspiracy theories as him. 9/11 was an inside job, an elite class of space-traveling lizards rule the earth and Prince Charles is with no doubt a vampire. Next.
The professional athlete
Listen, Linda. If you play sports professionally, all you have to do is write NFL, NBA, NHL on you profile and throw a pic in a jersey.. We all know you’ll match with every. single. girl. out. there. It’s pretty simple.
However – the professional athletes are most likely in a relationship. They just don’t care that they are. And you don’t care either. Cause he’s an athlete. And athletes are above the national- and international dating laws. If you’re an athlete yourself, congrats. You won. The whole game.
This guy travels 360 days a year and has a girl in every state – so if you’re cool with just being the L.A-hook up, you got yourself a deal. This is not the guy you’ll get married to. But he is tall, he is athletic, probably fun and you might get some tickets to a game you don’t know the rules for.
The sport team’s physiotherapist
The-guy-who-does-something-that-noone-really-cares-about-but-he-still-gets-to-hang-with-the-professional-players is a WHOLE other story. The pictures on his dating profile are ALL from sports games, since he is fully aware of the fact that jerseys are major chick-magnets. It doesn’t matter if he is technically not wearing one himself.. as long as someone is wearing a jersey in the picture, it counts ‘aight!
After hours of investigation and another level of photoshop commitment this male guy found a shot of Lebron James with half of his own blurred face in the background and captioned it: #bros4life #bossman.
He will humble-brag on you and name drop as if there was no day tomorrow.
..Hey girl, I know you’re tryna get with the athletes, but it’s not gonna happen through the sport team’s physiotherapist, okay. Be smart like Elsa and let it goooo.
The romantic guy
Oh, the romantic guy! He just wants to hear all about your day. What you had for lunch. What your love language is. Where you grew up and why and how that made you feel. He’s kinda vulnerable right now, because his girlfriend broke up with him for being too sensitive and too caring.
His friend made the dating profile for him and he only has pictures with puppies and his grandma (captioned: “the most important woman in my life”). He’ll send you flowers and donate a kidney to you even though you don’t need one. He is just.. a lot for the Los Angeles dating scene . A guy, IN LA?! THAT CARES? The audacity). However – The romantic guy will make you believe in love again, quote Ghandi and make you feel like you’re the girl with braces from JB’s “One less lonely girl”.
He won’t kiss before marriage and you end up dumping him because you actually prefer being treated like trash by the next type-of-guy on the list:
The “WYD”/”U UP” -guy
Most likely a hip hop dancer, producer, rapper or just all three at once. The dating profile has quotes about God, motivation, money and being succesful. You’ll most likely see a mirror selfie with a towel around his waist and a group shot with “the boyz”. Smokes weed. Probably has a diamond earring and some sort of chain, cause hip hop don’t stop.
All your girlfriends matched with him. No, but literally. All of them. Every. Single. One. He’s the Valley version of Batman – You’ll never see or talk to him in the day. He comes out in the after hours every 4th week at 1AM Friday – Sunday when the stars align, and hit you up with a: “Sry bby, just saw this wyd, u up”. He has an almost abusive relationship with the heart eye emoji, the drooling emoji and the peach/eggplant emojis. 80% of the texts will consist of monosyllables and abbreviations, to a point where you can’t tell if he would actually be able to explain that “wyd” is actually w-h-a-t-a-r-e-y-o-u-d-o-i-n-g.
A very predictable yet flakey guy, that will most likely leave you on read 9 out of 10 times if you can’t come over to Netflix-and-chill in a shared room he doesn’t even care to clean. Doesn’t ask one single question about who you are, cause he’s not picky.. I KNOW, cute, right? You will never meet up with this man during daylight.
The Types Of Guys You Meet On Dating Apps – The Frat-Guy
BROOOO- this dude, man! SUP GIRL, WHATS POPPIN’ 2NIGHT WANNA KICK IT?!
The frat guy is this outgoing, fun, actually hot but still slightly unkempt guy who graduated college at least 6 years ago, but is going through the Peter-Pan-syndrome/refusing to grow up. He definitely chose the-beer-gut-life, cause how else would he be able to win beer pong three times a week at the local bar with tha BOYS. All his homies are on kid number 4 while he’s on mambo number 5, bro. The pictures on his profile will 100% be with the BOYS (their wives’ faces are blurred cause F ’em) and tbh you didn’t even know which guy in the photo he was until you met up with him in person.
The frat guy will tell you – sorry not “tell”, YELL cause the bar he chose is loud as hell – ALL the stories from college and show you the tattoo he got on his ass when he was blacked out drunk. If you’re lucky he might tell the same story twice. Forgets your name and what you do for a living for the third time in 1 hour, and doesn’t really gets sarcasm. He shares a bedroom with some guys he found by playing FortNite online that are all 6-11 years younger than him and his BFF is his dog.
He got an idea for this million dollar business once when he was high on schrooms at a sorority party in 2005: “It’s gonna be sick, dude. Cereal – but for dinner.”
Red cups, jello shots, snapback with all the stickers on, karaoke and a Lakers Jersey is the starter kit for the frat-boy, but he is funny, so you’ll be entertained for a solid amount of time until you realize that him calling you “dude”, “chick” and “bro” is a forever thing.
The one that’s in it for the followers
This guy is so attractive that you think he’s a catfish. He is exceptionally tanned, labels himself as a surfer/world traveler/dreamer and has only professionally taken photos in boxers with smizing eyes. He is sponsored by Daniel Wellington, Bang Energy, Tooth Whitening Kits and other really important brands.
The FIRST thing you’ll see on his profile is his Instagram-handle with the caption: “Never on here, add me on Instagram”.
And this is how it goes from here. You follow him and DM’s him. He either:
– responds but never follows you back
– starts following you and unfollows you shortly after
Can’t say a lot about this guy to be honest, cause he will probably never respond unless you’re tryna sponsor him or collab on TIKTOK or YouTube.
The “in between jobs” (unemployed and sponsored by mom&dad)
This guy. Oh, this guy. Will usually label himself as nothing less than model, actor, singer, writer, dancer, scientist, content creator, student of life AND entrepreneur all at the same time. Truth is that he tried all those things for approximately 5 minutes each until it got boring and he chose the unemployed life. His parents are loaded and therefore financing his expensive, organic, vegan, stress-free Hollywood life. He is very attractive, well dressed, has a big ego, and finds a lot of comfort in giving normal 9-5 people advice on literally anything. He can even give you his opinion on books he hasn’t read, countries he hasn’t been to and movies he hasn’t seen! Impressive, I know, right?!).
He’ll definitely throw random awkward fortune-cookie statements like: “Just live, laugh and love” or “I’m currently just building an empire” because he doesn’t understand the struggle of paying his own rent.
The anonymous guy
This guy has zero pictures and nothing written on his profile. Rule number one in L.A when it comes to dating: Hope for the best but prep for the worst. Just don’t go.
The C-list actor
MY FAVORITE of The Types Of Guys You Meet On Dating Apps! The C-list actor’s pictures on the dating app will 95% of the time be screenshots from that one Camp-Rock-movie he was featured in about 10+ years ago, 4% of the pictures will be blurry Getty Images from random short film events and the remaining 1% of the pictures will be of celebrity actors with half of their own face in the background.
You’ll get all starstruck when you match with this guy, mainly because your 11-year-old-Disney-Channel-watching self was obsessed with Nick Jonas. And hey, if you can’t get Nick Jonas, you might as well go with this man.
You meet up and get super disappointed when you find out that he’s a cocaine head, unable to talk about anything but himself, and he’ll for sure kick you out after sex on the first date at 3 A.M. Who pays for the Uber? You do. You follow him on IG, he unmatch with you on the dating app and your friends tell you that it’s cause you’re too pretty while they braid your hair and admire you for your lifechanging accomplishment last night. He must be scared of strong independent women, right? Yea, send him another DM, girl. Obviously you were just in it for the story and it’s totally worth it for you, cause now you have a new ice breaker for your next date. You (Camp) Rock.
The guy who’s perfect for you
But he is married.
Do you want more unhealthy but REAL dating advice from one gf to another?
Take a look at:
- Is he Orbiting Around You?
- Is he “Too Busy”?
- Did you catch “The Ick”?