Cammilla Malmberg – The Art Of Putting Yourself First

When you reach a certain age is it then too late for dreaming? Is that all just for teenagers and Disney Movies? Are you too old for dreaming when you have kids, a husband and a full-time job that pays the bills but you’re not that fond with? Sure, you listened to a podcast in fall 2010 about “Putting yourself first”, but how do you actually do that between picking up kids, doing laundry, grocery shopping and beating yourself up for not being perfect?

I sat down with Cammilla Malmberg, 43 years old, single mother of three, former professional dancer and choreographer and now owner of #MYKINDOFWORKOUT, professional personal trainer, single, HOT as hell and with the kindest soul, and asked her about “The Art of Putting Yourself First”.

Why is it important?

Although, we all agree to put on our own oxygen-mask on before we help the guy next to us I rarely meet people in my daily life who says:

“It’s okay to put yourself first”.

But even though we are adults, we have to stay true to who we are, and a big part of that is to keep doing things for yourself first and foremost. We need to take care of our self, our mindset, and our bodies, and not throw everything overboard, just because we’re in a relationship, have kids or responsibilities. You need your daily dose of endorphins to be the best version of you.

Your kids don’t define you

I believe it can be a huge problem for some people when they are not capable of talking about anything else other than their own kids. But when I’m with people that don’t have kids, I’m very aware of not talking about my children constantly. Because let’s be real – it can be boring, and it doesn’t define all of me. They are a big part of me but like them I am an induvial as well.

Often people or couples lose themselves over the years, because their life revolves around their kids, their kids’ hobbies and their kids’ friends. They forget to go on dates and have adult conversation. And later on, in life when the kids are grown up they totally forgot how to be adults and who they were before they became parents. The kids come through us and as parents we guide them through life, but we don’t own the kids. They grow up and leave the nest and become individual adults. That’s why it’s important that we don’t define our self through the kids only.

How is it different following your dreams when you’re a parent?

Obviously, you can’t be spontaneous the same way as you could before you had kids. You have a responsibility, and you need to think about how your actions affect people around you. But it’s durable.

To me scheduling is a huge part of my planning, especially because I’m a freelancer. In order for me to prioritize myself, have a creative career and sometimes work odd hours I plan everything down to the last detail, so I know exactly where I have to be, where the kids have to be, what hobbies they are attending and so forth. My planning and organization give me the freedom to have a balanced life as a mother and a businesswoman.

How do you prioritize yourself without feeling guilty?

Again, I have to say: Scheduling!

If I schedule for example a coffee date with a friend on Wednesday its because I have time for it in my calendar and I can look forward to it because I know that I have attended my kids needs and other business obligations throughout the week.

We need to lead by example and teach our kids when they get in a relationship one day, that they need to stay true to themselves and not throw everything overboard because someone else expect it of them. When I was married, I made that mistake of changing myself so much that I ended up not realizing who I was anymore. And therefore, I learned the hard way that I need to schedule some ME time and make sure to stay true to who I am without feeling guilty.

How do you get into the habit of taking time for yourself?

You have to practice. Start small. Maybe, you start with 15 minutes alone in your bedroom. And then you slowly add minutes and hours to that.

Go for a cup of coffee alone. I always recommend my friends to get a babysitter, even when you don’t have any plans. Just to have 2-3 hours to yourself could be exactly what you need. You have time to sit in stillness, drink a coffee and even go to the bathroom without being interrupted

I think it’s crucial as a person to invest time in yourself to avoid stress or becoming that ticking bomb that can explode at any time.

Be there by not being there

Giving the best to our children, sometimes means not being there all the time.

I think it’s important to teach our kids the ability to be independent and make decisions on their own. Building their confidence and independence I believe is the best gift we can give them.

My kids know that I’m there for them, but I’m not going to watch their every move 24/7.

Bring in other adults

If possible…. Bring in other adults. I always say- It takes a village to raise a child.

It’s not only mom/dad that is the most important adult figure in a kid’s life. I know my mom can give them something I can’t, and the same goes for my male and female friends who have now become my chosen family.

They are all there for my kids in so different ways. A friend can talk to my oldest son about things in another way than I as a mother can. And because I’m an only child I realized that I needed to build my own family and that takes the pressure of me of not having to cover all the areas as I’m a single parent.

How important is a support system?

For me it’s important to surround myself with strong, independent and successful people that I can look up to and who hold me accountable in life as a mother, person and businesswoman.

That’s important for me as a person to be able grow and develop.

We are not the same person as we were 10 years ago. At least I’m not. I have grown, changed my life, my value and my opinions so much over the years that my inner circle is now a reflection of that. I had to let some people go in order to grow. And you have to ask yourself: Do the people in your life support and encourage you in your choices, values and ideas?

When you’re making a life-change, you need the right people in your life. You don’t have to agree on everything but at the end of the day you need to know that they have your back 100%

Are women under another kind of pressure than men are?

Sadly YES… Still to this day women are expected to have a successful career, look amazing and well maintained, be a sex-kitten in bed and be the perfect mother. Men are generally speaking allowed to be more selfish, bossy, give themselves room to hang out with their friends, go away for a weekend with “the guys” and many of them without a single regret or any guilt. They can let go, enjoy and be present right there and then…. While women constantly overthink everything and blame themselves along the way.

Therefore I see it as my responsibility, as a mother of two boys, to teach them that women should be able to take time to themselves, go away on holiday alone or with friends and lift themselves up to be the best version of themselves – with or without their children. I hope that my boys – when they meet a partner – know that you can be in a healthy relationship and remain two individuals. And that it’s okay for both to grow, be true to themselves and still tribute to be a joined unit. 

Are you in a relationship now?

Right now (and for the past 3 years) I am taking a break from romantic relationships. I needed to heal, reboot and seek deep within to understand myself and my continuous wrong pattern of always finding super creative, selfish, insecure and – you can quote me on this one – everyday-psychopaths.

In the past I ended up giving much more than what I received, and feeling both abused and confused over the wrongful, hurting and disrespect towards myself. 

For now, I’m so happy to focus on myself, my kids and building up my business from scratch. Nothing has ever been handed to me. I have worked hard for everything I have in my life and it hasn’t been easy, but it made me into the woman I am today.

What is success to you?

When I was younger, success meant booking as many back to back jobs as a dancer and choreographer. But today it all comes down to connecting with myself, my children and the people closest to my heart. Listening to what I want and how I want to live my life has been a game changer and realizing that I have to create my own happiness inside and out. I decide who I am, what I stand for and who I want to be to others…. and with time and age comes a clarity and calmness within my mind, body and soul.

What’s your best advice for someone like me who’s in their twenties?

Live your life to the fullest and enjoy it. Take the opportunities that come your way and be open to new directions and opportunities. If you, Mathilde, plan to go back to L.A after the pandemic but meet an amazing person that could bring you to another country – Go for it. Switch things up, try something new and don’t be afraid, because nothing is permanent anyway. We all change during our life and the circumstances changes along the way….. Adapt and embrace where you are right now. Always understand that you’re not going to stay in the same place, space or feeling for the rest of your life, and that is beautiful! Remember that it’s never too late to start over and be ready to open new chapters on your journey…. No matter what age you might be after kids, marriage, divorce or other major sudden changes in your life…. Choose YOU, YOUR HAPPINESS and YOUR own way in life.

Life takes so many turns and we can’t plan everything no matter how hard we try. It can be hard to accept when something happens that isn’t to your advantage. When my dad committed suicide, it crushed my entire world. But after the tears were dried off, I have used that experience to help other people that are going through the same trauma and heal myself by talking openly about the pain, anger and shame with forgiveness, more acceptance and love. It’s part of my journey but I don’t want it to define all of me. It’s all about how you choose to overcome what life throws your way. There is a meaning with everything that comes our way, and in the end of the day it shapes you into the person you were meant to be…. Embrace it – good and bad.

Follow Cammilla for amazing content and workouts!

Instagram – @cammillamalmberg

Website – cammillamalmberg.com

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